Acceptance is a Double Edged Sword

Hi kids,

I’d like to get serious here for a minute. Brace yourselves.

I recently stumbled across a website, xojane.com. While I am completely obsessed with it, and all the articles, but especially reading through the comments of the articles, I am getting a slightly uneasy feeling from spending so much time on the website. You see, the website is mainly aimed at women, their by-line being “xoJane.com is where women go when they are being selfish, and where their selfishness is applauded.”, which is fine by me. We all know (and don’t have to pretend otherwise) that I am gloriously selfish. Sometimes that’s okay. But, and here’s the thing, this website is aimed at women. Almost exclusively. And these women are also (mostly) feminists. Which is okay too. I’m all for being a strong-willed, independent woman. But on the website they make a very LOUD point of not judging fat women, fat people, fat in general. They will tear you a new one if you so much as whimper a slightly judgemental comment about a fat person. They will come at you with pitchforks if you dare utter disapproval at a fat woman. Which is fine. Nobody wants to be judged by their physical appearance. (It happens though, whether you like it or not.) They form this community of acceptance, not judging, or as they refer to it, “Body Shaming” each other for being fat. Cool. BUT…

They ferociously despise the desire to be skinny. It’s okay to be fat, and not want to change, but it is NOT okay to want to be skinny. They pretend like being skinny, or the want or even NEED to be skinny rivals leprosy. And that, my friends, is definitely not okay. It feels very much elitist. It also feels a lot like hypocrisy. You’re not cool if you’re not down with being fat. Go sit in your corner and dream about being skinny while eating your salad alone. We’ll be here eating cake and laughing at you. Ugh. Just, BLEGH.

You know I have spent the last couple of years obsessed with losing weight. Not trying to lose weight, mind you, but succeeding. And I am damn proud of that. I work very hard not to fall back into old habits, and gaining weight. I work out. I do Jillian Michaels‘ 30 day Shred. I weigh myself every day. I punish myself when I slip. I torture my soul with thoughts of cake and sweets, and all treats sugary, warm and gooey. I very rarely let myself have that. But that’s what I choose. It’s this obsessive compulsion that has allowed me in succeeding in my journey to lose weight. And I will NOT have an elitist, hypocritical “accepting” culture take that away from me.

And if I want to be skinnier, that’s MY business. Just like if you want to be fat, that’s YOUR business. The need to be accepted is universal. Not just fat people feel it. Not just skinny people have it. (Clearly) So, next time you feel like whining because people are mean to you because you’re fat, think about whether you are mean to skinny girls.

Yeah. Thought so.

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3 thoughts on “Acceptance is a Double Edged Sword

  1. Their desire to create a space where fat is completely embraced doesn’t take anything away from your weight loss efforts. The whole rest of the world applauds weight loss.

    • It just slightly irks me that on this website for women, the commenters, and some articles only really support being content with your weight if you’re fat. Not if you’re trying to be skinny.

    • I just found an excellent example:
      http://www.xojane.com/issues/why-i-dont-give-a-f-about-your-weight-loss-goals
      If you read the article, and then the comments, you will see that the INSTANT someone raises an unflattering opinion about being fat, this commenter is labeled as a “Skinny Bitch”. I think this commenter says exaclty what I’m trying to say:
      “No, I haven’t. I did read this article, and I remember several of Leslie’s articles. The general point being that nobody was allowed to even bring up the issue of weight, ever. Plus that wonderful “GLORIFY OBESITY” poster, as if obesity can ever be a positive thing in someone’s life.”

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