Acceptance is a Double Edged Sword

Hi kids,

I’d like to get serious here for a minute. Brace yourselves.

I recently stumbled across a website, xojane.com. While I am completely obsessed with it, and all the articles, but especially reading through the comments of the articles, I am getting a slightly uneasy feeling from spending so much time on the website. You see, the website is mainly aimed at women, their by-line being “xoJane.com is where women go when they are being selfish, and where their selfishness is applauded.”, which is fine by me. We all know (and don’t have to pretend otherwise) that I am gloriously selfish. Sometimes that’s okay. But, and here’s the thing, this website is aimed at women. Almost exclusively. And these women are also (mostly) feminists. Which is okay too. I’m all for being a strong-willed, independent woman. But on the website they make a very LOUD point of not judging fat women, fat people, fat in general. They will tear you a new one if you so much as whimper a slightly judgemental comment about a fat person. They will come at you with pitchforks if you dare utter disapproval at a fat woman. Which is fine. Nobody wants to be judged by their physical appearance. (It happens though, whether you like it or not.) They form this community of acceptance, not judging, or as they refer to it, “Body Shaming” each other for being fat. Cool. BUT…

They ferociously despise the desire to be skinny. It’s okay to be fat, and not want to change, but it is NOT okay to want to be skinny. They pretend like being skinny, or the want or even NEED to be skinny rivals leprosy. And that, my friends, is definitely not okay. It feels very much elitist. It also feels a lot like hypocrisy. You’re not cool if you’re not down with being fat. Go sit in your corner and dream about being skinny while eating your salad alone. We’ll be here eating cake and laughing at you. Ugh. Just, BLEGH.

You know I have spent the last couple of years obsessed with losing weight. Not trying to lose weight, mind you, but succeeding. And I am damn proud of that. I work very hard not to fall back into old habits, and gaining weight. I work out. I do Jillian Michaels‘ 30 day Shred. I weigh myself every day. I punish myself when I slip. I torture my soul with thoughts of cake and sweets, and all treats sugary, warm and gooey. I very rarely let myself have that. But that’s what I choose. It’s this obsessive compulsion that has allowed me in succeeding in my journey to lose weight. And I will NOT have an elitist, hypocritical “accepting” culture take that away from me.

And if I want to be skinnier, that’s MY business. Just like if you want to be fat, that’s YOUR business. The need to be accepted is universal. Not just fat people feel it. Not just skinny people have it. (Clearly) So, next time you feel like whining because people are mean to you because you’re fat, think about whether you are mean to skinny girls.

Yeah. Thought so.

Redefining Shape

Round is not a shape I want to be. No thank you mister!

I can not for the life of me understand why anyone could be content with being fat. Why would one choose that? Being fat is easy. But life is not easy. So yes, I have worked hard in losing a lot of weight. But it really does not feel like an accomplishment when I am standing in front of the mirror in underwear. Because even though I have lost the weight, if I don’t do any exercise, I still have flab. And dreaded cellulite. Blegh. And there is no point in being happy with what the scale says if I can’t get into a bikini and feel good about myself.

So now, I will embark on starting an excercise routine. Shocker, I know. I am probably one of the laziest people ever, so this is going to be hard. Very hard. But I am determined. We are now moving into autumn, which gives me a couple of months before beach season is back. It gives me some time to get into the routine so that I can change my shape. Into a fierce delicious lean mean envy-inducing shape. 

The plan is to buy a spinning bike at the end of the month. ( I saw a special on a spinning bike, so it won’t be that expensive)  The plan is to spin myself into a frenzy of endorphins and sweat. Yeah! I will keep track of my progress, and bar me failing, I will keep you posted.

On a side note, I am going to have my camera serviced, and maybe (hopefully) it will solve the focusing problems I have been having.

Much Love

Move your ass!

I am fed up with my life. And I am soooo fed up with myself for bitching about it and not doing anything.

So today is the day, dear friends. Today, I am starting anew.

  • I’m back on my diet. And thanks to WaywardMom, we have groceries in our pantry! So, I’m doing breakfast now, (muesli and low-fat yogurt) and for lunch, a cereal bar and for dinner salad. I realise that the way I lost the weight initially, was effective, but it’s not sustainable. I’m not strong enough to starve myself for more than two weeks at a time.
  • I’m seriously looking for a new job. I want to be in publishing. I want to have a job where I’m happy, and working in a healthy environment. I want to have a job where I am allowed to be creative and have a voice. I have made contact this morning with someone, and I really do hope something happens. Hold thumbs!
  • On Wednesday, my hair will be done, and I will be rocking a new look, a new attitude.

A new me. Let’s hope the positive energy theory is real, because I am now sending all the positivity I can handle into space.